Remember November

Out of the Dark

2011-06-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

This is a completely random playlist that I made sometime ago and credits go to Nayanika, Irmeline, So you think you can Dance, LAs Vegas and some video on True Blood...promo I guessHere are the Tracks:- 01-For all we know by Donny Hathaway 02-Tattoo by Jordin Sparks03-Cry little sister by Gerard Mcmann ft Sisters of Mercy (Lost Boys Soundtrack)04-Listen to your heart by Edmee (unplugged vocal edit) DHT05-Bleeding love by Leona Lewis06-Somewhere by within temptation07-Dream by Priscilla Ahn08-Only love can break your heart by Gwyneth Herbert09-Carnival of Rust by Poets of the fall10-Walking on Air by Kerli11-Just might by Sugarland12-Future comes slow by The Kills

Hope you guys like it!! I really like all the tracks (obviously I downloaded them) hehehehe

With all my heart

2011-06-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

It was a full moon night. The stars shone brightly but the sea was rough, the tide was high and the wind was harsh. Ophelia, a young girl of 21, sat at the end of the harbor, her legs dangling over the vast ocean. Her black with hair with shades of blue streaks wildly flew in the wind as she held her head back and closed her eyes. She sat there listening to the music of the rough ocean and playing back memories in her mind. She tried to only think of the good ones but it was impossible. She so desperately wanted to get out of where she was stuck. Sometimes she desperately hopped that she would bang her head and forget everything and start over again, as a normal happy person.

“Wishes, wishes..wish they came true” she mumbled to herself. But it was all decided now. There was nothing more to wait for, nothing more to live for. She was sick all the time and there was no one to look after her….now. Survival was something she couldn’t understand anymore. She had no dreams, no hopes and no love…not even for herself. She had the job of a waitress and a small apartment. She was barely surviving and she couldn’t understand why. It would matter to nobody if she dropped dead at that moment. That’s what she had decided, to die. She opened her eyes and looked around. The tide was still high and the water was deep. She knew how to swim but she wouldn’t make an effort. She stood up and looked at the moon. It was the most beautiful night she had never seen and she was glad it was so welcoming to the idea of her death. She smiled to herself and her hand reached for the locket that hung around her sleek neck. She held it in her fist, closed her eyes and jumped. The water was cold but her heart was colder. She let go of the breath she held in her mouth and felt the water making its way in her. She knew she was struggling to breathe but she was determined to end it all that night. She wanted to get her head at the surface but she didn’t make move, her will was strong. She felt herself getting pulled down, sinking lower and lower as the water filled her lungs. Her eyes were open but her vision was becoming more blurry and darker by the second.

It’s done now was her last thought.

********

“1..2..3…c’mon breathe!” he said frantically but kept on doing the CPR. Blake didn’t want to loose her, no, he couldn’t loose her. He would bring her back to life. She couldn’t do this to herself, she just couldn’t.

“1..2..3..OPHELIA!!” he screamed and he held her by her face and shook her, “c’mon get up Lia, get up!”

He tried CPR again and just as he was giving up hope, she spluttered out water from her mouth and stirred. She slowly opened her green eyes and looked at the figure on top of her. It was a guy, she was sure it was a guy….a familiar one too. As she gained focus, she recognized him, “You…..” she whispered.

“Oh thank God” he breathed in relief as he got of her, “Are you crazy? Why the hell did you jump in this tide?” he asked as he sat down beside her.

She kept looking at the sky and waited for several moments before she spoke, “Why am I not dead?” she said still looking up at the sky.

“Because I pulled you out, that’s why” he said impatiently.

“And what business did you have to pull me out?” she breathed.

“I’m sorry?” he said looking at her lost.

She got up and looked at him, at those blonde hair, at those pale blue eyes that she had longed to see for so long., “You left remember?” she said as a single tear fell from her eye.

He looked at her silently as the moon shone on her face. He looked at her face after so many months, he really looked at it. It was not the face that he had left. She was so much paler, there were dark circles under her eyes and there was a light scar on her forehead. Her whole body looked wasted. This was not how he had left her.

“You left” she repeated slowly, “You left and you had no business coming back and trying to save my life and be the hero. You have no right to do that” she said in a controlled voice as a stream of tears fell down her face.

He knew she was suffering, suffering in her mind. Suffering because of what he had done to her. He had to handle this gently, “Lia I’m sorry I left. You’re tired right now. Let’s take you back home, okay? We’ll talk in the morning” he said softly in the same caring manner that she loved. She still loved him but he had left and he would leave again. She was not going to listen to him. No, she wasn’t. He wasn’t her boss anymore, he was no one to tell her what to do and what not to do. She would die that night and he could do nothing about that.

“No……” she said under her breath and made a quick movement to the edge of the harbor to fall back in the water but he was too quick for her. He knew her so well, he knew she would try again. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back before she could jump. She struggled hard but she had grown so weak over the year and she was even more tired that night and he had always been strong for her and even more at that moment. He held her tightly in his arms as she struggled and screamed, “Let go! Let me go!! YOU LEFT!!! I WANT TO DIE, LET ME GO!!!!” she kept screaming for some time and then she just grew silent. He felt her weight on his, she had passed out. Blake Carter looked down at the one thing he cared about the most in this world, at his young love, but she didn’t look young anymore. All the freshness and liveliness was gone. She seemed so weak and tired. What had he done to her?

******

He stopped the car in front of her house and rummaged her pockets for the keys. She was unconscious the whole way. He found them and went on to pick her up. He opened the door. Her house was very small. It had a living room and a kitchen in the same space. There were two doors attached. One led to her small bedroom and the other to the even more smaller washroom that was also attached to her bedroom. She had a small backyard. The house was flimsily furnished, barely had anything at all. It was also a very dirty one. There was a small sofa, a few spare chairs and a tv set with the kitchen. Her bedroom and bathroom, however, were the real mess. The bed sheet, although of a dark blue color, had a slot of stains on it. The floor was barely visible in the mess. There were bottles and pills and clothes scattered everywhere. There were blood stains on all the walls. He thought of putting her in there but decided against it. It would be like putting her in a trash can. So he went back and put her on the sofa. After a lot of rummaging he found the cleanest sheet, which had only one stain and didn’t reek of alcohol. Her house was never this dirty. It used to be clean and proper despite its deficiencies. She had always liked to keep it that way. He put it on her. Then grabbed a chair and sat in front of her, looking at her and thinking of all that had passed.

He was 21 and she was 18 when they had started dating. Such a young, pretty girl, full of life and ambitions and dreams. She used to say that she would be a star someday. She wanted to go out in the big cities to be a supermodel. She lived with her father and younger brother. They decided to go to the game one night and she would have gone too had she not felt terribly sick that day. Her family never came back from the game that night, not even the next day. They had died in a car accident. It left Lia broken. The first time she had heard the news, Blake was with her. She had screamed and cried and eventually grew tired and passed out. When she woke up she wouldn’t speak. Blake did all the arrangements for the funeral. Her father had been like a father too him. He worked in his mechanic shop. The old man had grown very fond of him and he had grown very fond of the old man. John found Blake a very nice young man and he approved his daughter’s dating him. Now he was dead and he, his son and Lia were his only family. He didn’t know his own parents. They had abandoned him. He knew how she must have felt when she lost her family. She just sat in one corner the entire day, blankly starring at the wall, not talking, not moving. She was completely shattered. It took him months to get her out of it. She smiled once again, talked too and sometime later, she even laughed. He had longed to hear her sweet laugh ring in his ears. She chose to stay back at her home and earn her living. She felt as if that home was the last part that connected her to her family. Also, Blake was there. He was a musician. He worked during the day and gave solo performances at night. He mostly stayed with Lia. They loved each other a lot. A lady came in one night, in the bar where he sang. She was a music producer and there on a holiday. That night she made Blake an offer he simply couldn’t refuse. Lia was not in the bar that night. She had been feeling tired after her shift as she had done a couple of extra hours in the restaurant. When he came home that night he found her perched on the couch, lost in thought. Before he could tell her anything she got up, looked at him. She told him that her reports from the hospital were back, that she had gone to collect them, that she was five weeks pregnant.

That’s where it had all started to go wrong, so badly.

I was so young, and she was so foolish. It was both our faults, he thought. The scene was still so clear in his mind. He could see it happening all over again. He had not taken the news as nicely as she had expected. She, for her part, had taken the record deal nicely. That’s what frustrated him the most. She was willing to take her chances, to compromise her dreams for his. He wanted to be a singer so badly, he wanted it so much. He wanted his career and he was sure he was not ready to be a father. No, he had always been denied every opportunity in his life. He was always second place. He was not about to loose this golden trophy. He just couldn’t. He was torn between his child and his dreams. He got drunk one night and came home completely wasted. He screamed things at her, things he shouldn’t have screamed, things that hurt her and she was scared, scared that she would loose him. She couldn’t have that. He was the only thing that belonged to her. She loved him so badly and she would do anything for his happiness. He slept through the morning the next day. He got up late in the afternoon. His head was throbbing really badly and he needed a pain killer. So he called out to her, no answer. He called out again, still no answer. Drowsily he got up and looked around the house. She was not in and she had left no note. He walked out in the front yard and then in the backyard. There he found her perched in a corner, sitting, lost in thought.

He could see that seen play back in his mind, so clearly.

“Lia?” he said but he didn’t seem to have heard him.

So, he walked up to her and sat down next to her .It was a dull and cloudy day. Their backyard was very small and only grass grew in it. They had no time for gardening. They just barely mowed the lawn. He gently touched her shoulder and she looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly. She slightly opened her mouth and then looked down.

“I know about your confusion between the child and the record deal” she said slowly.

He sat there a few moments, not saying anything. How did she know, he thought, had he said something last night? Because last night was completely blurry in his mind.

“Blake I understand how important this record is to you and I completely understand the timing of my pregnancy is bad and that it’s holding you back. I know” she took a deep breath and looked into his eyes “ I know you found this child a burden……I understand…..”

He looked at her and after carefully choosing his words he began to speak, “Lia you don’t have to worry. We will work this out. We-”, she cut him in between.

“I have already worked it out” she said as she felt her voice choke but she knew that that was not the moment to get weak, that was not the moment to cry.

“What do you mean?” he asked completely puzzled.

She looked at him sometime and then whispered, “There is no child……”

He sat there starring at her, “What do you mean?” he breathed.

“I had an abortion done this morning” she said still looking at him, her eyes were glassy but she didn’t cry.

He just sat there looking at the ground. She sat there too sometime and then got up and said, “There’s nothing to hold you back now”. With that she went back inside.

As he sat there on the dry ground, it all came back to him. He could hear himself screaming at her in his drunkenness, blaming her for pulling him back, wishing the child dead. He wanted it to be easy………..what had he done?

He quietly crept in the house and took his shirt. He walked out on the street and roamed aimlessly for some time and then left for the bar. There he found the producer lady sitting. He was surprised to see her but she was not that surprised to see him. It was as if she knew he was going to be there.

That day he didn’t come back home, he didn’t come back the next or the next……..he left her without saying goodbye…..

“Now, I’m back, I’m sitting right across the girl I love, and I see what my love has done to her” he said to himself, and what her love for me has done to me.

He knelt down next to her head and gently stroked her hair, looking at her as if afraid that if he should take his eyes of her for one moment, she would die. She did look nearly like a corpse. He could see sorrow written all over her face. He knew he was responsible for it. He would make it alright again. He was glad he had made it home in time to save her, to have another chance with her.

**********

A girl sat on the floor, a very messy floor. Her face was covered with her hair. She looked thin, sick, sad and dirty. Her hair looked as if they hadn’t been washed in days and she had obviously not changed her clothes in sometime. She wore a pair of blue boxers and a very oversized sweatshirt. It was his, Blake’s shirt and boxers. He stood at the door looking at her in horror. If it weren’t for his own clothes that she was wearing, he was certain he wouldn’t have recognized that mess sitting in front of him. She didn’t notice him. She had a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in another. She sat between a lot of broken bottles, some un-opened bottles, burnt out cigarettes and pills, injections and liquids in all sorts of colors. She took a last drag from her cigarette and then pressed the bud against her hand to put it out. There were so many marks on her hands. Some were of cuts, others of burn. She used her hands like an ashtray. She took another large sip from her bottle then put it aside. She picked up a scarf from around her and tightly tied it on her upper arm so her veins would show. Then she picked up a syringe and pushed it in her skin. He stood there with a desperate urge to stop her but he couldn’t move. He stood there helpless as he watched her destroy herself and there was nothing he could do, he was not there. She screamed as she felt the amphetamine surge through her and then burn in her brain. She screamed and cried and called out to Blake and he was there but he couldn’t reach her. She looked up at the ceiling as she felt calmer. As she looked down, her eyes met his or so he thought. What he saw in her eyes made him shiver. They were red and sore from all the crying but most of all they seemed blank and hopeless. There were dark lines around her eyes that looked like eye liner but he knew it was not a liner. Just one look in her eyes got him scared. He was finally able to move forward when he stepped on a piece of paper. He looked down and his face lost all its blood as he read the first few words, ‘The last will and testament of Ophelia Julian Long’. He sat up in his bed and he knew this was not one of his nightmares. This seemed almost real as if his spirit had actually been there. He had to go back to Whiteshore and he had to make sure she was okay. That was two nights ago. That’s how he had decided to come down to see her. As he remembered the scene, he remembered what she had looked like. He softly rolled up her shirt sleeves and he saw them. All those cuts, burn marks and bruises intact, only they looked much worse. He had first come to her home but she was not there. So, he asked her neighbor, an old widow, Mrs. Milton who was fairly shocked to see him, where she was. She told him that she often went down to the harbor at night. That’s where he had found her. He was at some distance from her when he saw her, to his surprise, jump in the water.

He touched the small scar on her forehead. It had stitches. She has been in an accident, he thought to himself.

*********

There was a faint knock on the door early next morning. Blake answered it immediately. He had not slept one wink the entire night. As he opened the door, two things greeted him together, a soft ray of sunshine and the kind face of Mrs. Milton. She was a small, fat lady with silver hair, black eyes and a very kind face. She always dressed very neatly.

“Mrs. Milton, come on in” he said in a low voice with a smiling face.

“Is she asleep” the kind lady whispered and he nodded.

They both sat down on the two spare chairs in the kitchen.

“Do you need anything? Water? Coffee?” he asked her politely, very careful to keep his voice low.

“Oh no dear, nothing. I just came here to return some of Ophelia’s belongings. You see I’m going to live with my daughter now in Tennessee. I was so worried about Ophelia, who would take her of her after I was gone. But I’m glad you are here now. I’m afraid my poor bones don’t have the strength they once used to have” she spoke in her soft sweet voice.

“I understand Mrs. Milton and it’s great that you’re going to live with your daughter now” he replied smiling.

She looked over at Lia and her sweet smile faded, “I’m afraid so many terrible things have happened to the poor girl after you left”

“What happened?” he asked and she could hear the worry and guilt in his voice.

“Oh well, she was not this terrible when you left but then seven months later, she had an accident. A car hit her. It was a hit and run and they didn’t find the driver. Anyways they contacted me from the hospital so I left to take care of her. It was fine for sometime. The doctor had told me not to pressurize her since her head was hurt. Oh but she found out….how could she not find out? Her body had suddenly changed and she was in suck a shock” said the old woman as a few tears fell down her face and she hastily wiped them.

“Found out what Mrs. Milton?” he repeated kindly.

“That her child was dead. She was in her eight month” she said carefully as if scared that the girl might hear it even if she thought about it.

Blake sat there blankly a few moments. A child? A dead child? How could she have had a child? She had aborted their child. Surely it was somebody else’s baby. But then Mrs. Milton said that she was in her eight month and the accident happened seven months after he left…..could this mea? No….it couldn’t! How could it? She had aborted their child .The old lady must have had her facts wrong.

“So she was seeing someone else?” he said in a voice not more than a whisper.

“Somebody else?” Mrs. Milton looked at him in puzzle.

“Well how else would she have gotten pregnant again?”

“Again?” Mrs. Milton repeated, more confused than ever, “What are you saying Blake? She was with no one but you. That was your child my dear. She was pregnant with you. I though she told you that”

“She did………she did…..tell…me….” he said trying to grasp everything he had heard as he looked at Lia.

“I had tried to contact you but you had just disappeared and I didn’t know where to find you. I’m so sorry” she said. He nodded still looking at his love.

“Here” the old lady said as she took out a few set of files “These are all her medical reports and the spare keys of her house. I must go now, my flight is in an hour and the cab is here” she said as she got up. She kissed Blake goodbye and then went over to Lia and gently kissed her forehead.

“Have a safe flight Mrs. Milton” he whispered as he smiled and shut the door behind her. He crept back in his chair before the sofa and looked at Lia as a billion thoughts came to his mind.

This child is a burden to you….I understand…

There is no child….

There is nothing to hold you back now

She had an accident

That was your child

Why did you do this Lia? Why did you let me believe that our child was dead? Why did you believe me when I said I thought this child was a burden? Why did you comprise your dreams for mine? Why did you not remember me once through your misery…….why? Why did I walk away? I should have stayed with you. I should have told you that I loved you and we would have this baby. I should have told you that you were my everything but I walked away….why…...

**************

It had been three days since they were living together again or at least he had made himself fairly invited and comfortable again in his old home. She hadn’t spoken a word to him since she had regained her consciousness and had completely ignored everything he said. Blake, for his part, kept making an effort to talk to her all the time. He had cleaned her bedroom from all the drugs, cigarettes and alcohol before she woke up. He would make breakfast, lunch, dinner and clean the house everyday and even get her to have a bath. He knew she was capable of committing suicide again so he removed everything that was sharp and possibly lethal from the washroom and made sure she never carried anything with her. He sat outside the door all the time she was in to make sure she tried nothing funny. He tried everything to change her mood and mind but she would just sit in one corner the entire day and do nothing, just like when her father and brother had died. But this time, he was partially the reason for this depression.

One evening they were sitting together on the front door steps. It was a cold evening and the sun had nearly set. There were shades of red in the horizon and the moon had risen. Lia had her shawl tightly wrapped around her and she just looked at the grass all the time while Blake sat next to her in his jeans, grey t-shirt with its sleeves rolled up. He was a very handsome young man. He had dark blonde hair with shades of brown lightly fell on his forehead, pair of pale blue eyes, a strong face, a good height and a very sporty body. He loved playing all kinds of sports. He sat there narrating to her the story of a latest movie. It was a romantic comedy and she loved watching them. He tried to make it sound as dramatic as he could and he was good too. He was telling her the conversation between the guy and his friends when she suddenly spoke, right out of the blue.

“You can go back now Blake. I won’t try to kill myself again. You can go back”

He looked at her but she was just starring at the ground, “I’m not going anywhere” he said softly but firmly.

She said nothing for a few moments, “Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why can’t you go and just leave me alone?”

“Because I love you”

At that she grunted then sighed, “You love me and then you don’t love me…..according to your own ease. I suggest you find somebody else to play this game with.” she said as she looked up at the sky.

He kept looking at her, “Lia I’m sorry I left. I should’ve been around to take responsibility of our child. I couldn’t see what was more important to me back then” he said as he took her hand, she looked away so he couldn’t see her face, “I understand now and I want to be with you. I want to marry you and have a family with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I made a mistake once and I have no intention of repeating it” he said as he kissed her hand and he heard a small suppressed sob from her.

“Hey baby” he said as he got up and bent down before her, “I’m sorry I hurt you so much and left you when you needed me. I just lost it that day. You told me you had aborted the baby and Angelica was at the bar and she convinced me into it. I couldn’t believe you had aborted our child and I wanted to come back and ask you once more. But there was so much confusion and before I knew it I was sitting in Los Angeles. I really am sorry” he said taking her teary face into his hands.

She looked at him and sobbed, “I know what your dreams mean to you and I can’t be in the way of them”

“You are my dream and every dream that does not have you in it is a nightmare”

She was touched by this. She had wanted to hear this for so long, she had hoped he would be back so many times that she had grown so weary and tired of waiting for him and the day she though he wouldn’t return, he came back.

“Blake I was eight months pregnant when I was in an accident and our baby died. I didn’t abort our child” she said in a small voice, “I’m so sorry”

“Shussh, I know love. It will be like before once again” he said as he took her in his arms and she held on to him tightly. They sat there like that for a long time.

********

It had been two weeks since Blake had come back and one week since his and Lia’s breakthrough. They had a good time that week. They went around in the town and roamed at the harbor in the evenings. They took turns in preparing food and Lia was definitely getting much better each day.

But Blake had not just wandered back to her. He had left a life behind him when he came back, looking for her. Sometimes he told her of all the people he had met while he was there. He played the new music he had composed and all about the record they were going to make. He also told her about Angelica’s (the producer’s) daughter, Amelia. He was engaged to her and it was only because Angelica had promised him that she would give him a wider sale if he did. Amelia was madly in love with him and she wanted him and she always got whatever she wanted. Amelia’s first husband had been very cruel to her and she had completely put out the thought of ever being with somebody else ever again. She wasn’t happy till Blake came in her life. Her mother saw a chance of her happiness with him and she gave it to her. Blake didn’t like Amelia a lot. She was nice and all but her ‘ways’ were very annoying. She was very snobbish and he didn’t get along very well with snobbish people. He had broken of his engagement with her on the day he had that dream about Lia. Angelica was out of the country on a very important assignment. He knew she would come looking for him the moment she would come back but he assured Lia that he wouldn’t leave her.

It was nearly her time to pay a visit to them.

********

“Blake, dinners ready” Lia called out. Blake was sitting on the sofa completely absorbed in the football match.

“Blake!” she called out again, louder this rime.

“Hmm?” he tilted his head towards her but his eyes glued to the TV.

“I said dinner is ready!” she said in a forceful voices. She was not frustrated though, she was kind of used to this kind of thing. She was just slightly annoyed since it was such a special day for them and he was spending time with the TV set instead of her. But then again, she knew his everything. She knew he would be too busy in the game that night but knowing was not exactly an excuse for not being annoyed. She set them the table and then went and sat next to him. What more could she do? She sat with him for five minutes when there was a knock on the door.

“Coming” he heard her say.

He heard her unlock the door and question in her same sweet voice, “Yes?”

Then he heard another voice, a voice that immediately caught his attention “Don’t you remember me Ophelia?”

He quickly got up and looked at the girl who stood tightly clutching the door looking at the older, taller woman who had a more dignified presence than the rest of them. Her brown hair were tight in a bun and she was neatly dresses in an A-cut grey skirt and a white sweater.

“You….” Lia said as she looked t her with hatred and disgust.

“Yes me, Angelica. Now I suppose you mean to invite me in” she said as she walked past her. She had a British accent.

“Hello Blake. I suppose you have been expecting me for sometime” she said and gave him one of her cold looks.

“Hello Angelica. I suppose you won’t leave till you have had your say-“

“You have guessed it right, I won’t. I suppose I’ll sit then I am a little tired from all the travelling” she said and she made herself comfortable on the sofa. Lia turned off the TV while Blake grabbed two chairs since it was obvious neither of them wanted to share the sofa with Angelica.

“What brings you here?” Blake asked.

“The pain you have caused my daughter. We had a deal Blake”

“And obviously it looks like a deal that has gone wrong”

“For you, yes. But I have come to tell you that there is still time to fix this mess. Come back with me”

“No way. I can see you are ignorant of the latest development. I am a married man now Angelica. I got married to Lia this afternoon” he said as he picked up Lia’s left hand and showed the golden band on the ring finger.

She sat there silently for a few seconds and then said, “In that case you will divorce her or I will break the record deal”

“I don’t care about the record anymore.”

“So you are willingly forfeiting from the deal?”

“Yes I am”

She looked at him and smirked coldly and said in a very low voice, “I will have you at any cost Blake. You have committed a murder my dear child, a murder”

“What?! What is this crap about?” he screamed at her as he flung up on his feet.

“You remember Julie, your publicist”

“Yeah, she committed suicide, so?”

“Yes well, you were the last one to see her before she died and the first person to find her dead”

“But she committed suicide, you can’t pin that on me” he said in a low voice.

“As it turns out I can. There was no suicide note and the knife with which she had killed herself couldn’t be found, Also it was one night before you left LA to come here”

“Yeah so?”

“So LAPD doesn’t believe it was suicide. They just need one weapon and I can do the rest of the pressurizing and put you in for maximum time in jail unless……” she sat there coldly smirking.

He sat down, shocked and said nothing. He felt a soft hand move on his shoulder, he reached for it and looked at Lia. She had not spoken one word during this entire thing but he looked in her eyes, he found them peaceful, calm, tranquil…..almost too tranquil.

“Please I have a flight in an hour and we need to get going Blake”

He still said nothing. If he went with her, he would loose Lia. If he didn’t go with her, he would still loose Lia and he just did not want that. He needed to think of a way. He had done nothing wrong. He could put up a fight in court, tell them that bitch was blackmailing him. Meanwhile Lia’s hand slipped from his and she walked in the kitchen she came back moments later and pulled her chair away from Blake and looked at Angelica coldly. She then exposed a gun, a revolver from her hand. Blake looked at her shocked. He couldn’t understand what she was going to do. She wasn’t the kind of girl who could commit murder but then what was she doing……

Angelica grew horrified at the sight of the gun but she maintained the calm on her face.

“You know what this is Angelica?” she said in her normal voice, as if she was having a char, she smiled, “This is a weapon from which a real murder maybe committed tonight”

“Lia wh-“

“Shuushh Blake. You have had your say and Angelica here has had her say and I have quietly listened to both of you. Now, it’s my turn” she said and took a deep breathe before she continued “The first time I met you Angelica, you tried to bribe me into leaving Blake but I didn’t buy it till he came in drunk that night. You came again the next morning and you manipulated me and took away the love of my life from me. Now we meet again and again you try to manipulate and blackmail and threaten to take away my love from me who also happens to be my husband now. Now, you can imagine my feelings of abhorrence for you. This also is a natural reason why I would want to kill you, right?”

The lady didn’t say anything for sometime but then she took a deep breath and when she was sure her voice was calm, she said “But you don’t want to be separated from your love and if you murder me, you will be caught and locked away from your husband”

“Exactly” she said.

“And that’s why you will get the hell out of here and bring us to court if you want to. I will fight you but I won’t ever come with you” Blake said in a cold cold voice as he looked at her sternly and his eyes said ’Get the hell out!’

She picked up her purse and walked out. If court is what they want, court is what they get. She had thought that she would be able to convince him but something quiet the opposite had happened. She grew angry but she would not step back now. There was no stepping back.

Lia and Blake held their hands tightly together. They knew a storm was approaching but they would fight, fight till their last breath.

**************

Two years had passed since. Lia was running, pushing, making her way through the crowd and she finally caught up with Blake and the guards. He was handcuffed, his sentence had been given that day. He was declared guilty and given a maximum sentence of 25 years.

“No please stop!” she said to the guards. The older turned around and looked at her.

“What” he said in a low brooding voice.

“Please, he’s my husband. Just one goodbye?” she said and looked at him with begging eyes. She was so young and innocent and the guy was going in for a long time. He could give her that last goodbye.

“Alright” he said and he opened Blake’s handcuffs. She hugged him tightly and he held on to her dearly.

“I love you Lia, with all my heart” he whispered in her ear.

“I love you Blake, with all my heart” she whispered in his.

He kissed her long and passionately. It was a sweet kiss and a death kiss. He felt a capsule shift in his mouth.

“Ahem?” the guard said and he let go off her and he was handcuffed again.

She watched him being led away from her and she felt a capsule in her own mouth. She felt it break and go down her throat. She fell as her world grew darker. She saw him fall. She had held two cyanide capsules in her mouth and she pushed one in his when they kissed. They had decided, if they couldn’t live together then they would die together.

***********

He opened his eyes. He was sitting on a bench at the railway platform. He was wearing blue jeans and a white shirt and had its sleeves rolled up. It was a small platform, the only one in fact on what seemed like a small town in the countryside as opposite to the platform he could see a vast expanse of farm lands.

“It’s a girl. We had a girl Blake” he heard the sweet voice say. He looked behind him and to his joy he saw Lia standing in front of him in a long brown dress holding the most darling child in her hand. Her hair fell loosely and delicately around her shoulders and her eyes were glittering. He went up to her and kissed her in a soft passionate manner. Then he looked at his beautiful daughter. She was so small and had such a beautiful face. Her eyes were blue, like her father but the few hair on her head were black, like her mother. She had such a bright aura about her and she looked so angelic.

“That is the most prettiest, finest perfect child ever born” he said as he took the wee little things in his hand carefully adjusting the blanket that she was wrapped in. He rocked her a little while when a husky voice interrupted his moment of pleasure.

“Let me have a look at my granddaughter” he said.

“Daddy” Lia said excitedly as she went up to him and hugged him and kissed him and she went over to her brother, Jimmy who stood right behind her, still a young boy of 16.

“How are you sis?”

“Lovely”

“And my niece?”

“Oh she is perfect!”

“Damn right she is!” her father said as he looked at the sweet child in its fathers arms.

“How have you been John?” Blake said grinning at his father-in-law.

“I’ve been good Blake. Thanks for taking care of my princess this long” he said grinning at him.

“Can I pick her up?”

“Sure you can Jim” Blake said as he gave his niece to her.

“She’s so light!” he exclaimed as he so carefully played with her and all of them looked at the young Uncle and his angelic niece.

“C’mon, it’s time to go home now” John said in his husky voice and they all followed him out, one big and happy family.

Ghost Town

2011-06-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

As I stood in the empty street of the town that had once been for of celebrations and cheerful noises, my eyes swarmed up wit tears. The air that I was breathing once used to have the staunch smell of fresh fish but now it held the smell of death, destruction and desertion. How young had I been when I was taken away in that army jeep? Around 15. The long lost days of my childhood began to play themselves in front of my eyes as I saw a child version of me run past me with the other kids of the neighborhood. My hair were open and flew wildly in the wind and at one glance it was obvious I had been playing in the mud and now we were all heading for the beach. 7, I was 7 then. We were all so young, so careless, so free and so happy. People talked of an approaching war but we paid no heed to what the adults talked. Yet there were times when we pretend there was a war and we all be soldiers fighting with such imaginary weapons that out did all the technological advancements in weaponry as of today. The street where I stood used to be full of shops with buyers and sellers naming their prices but at night, the same street was a place of celebration of absolutely anything. There would be drinks, food, music, dancing, games, storytelling everyday. Ours was not a huge town and it was most certainly a tight nit town. everybody knew everybody and all of us lived like a very large family. Whenever there was a wedding or a funeral, nearly the entire town would turn up to pay their respects. Us children could walk into any house when we felt thirsty or had gotten hurt while playing. On one side of the town was the beach and on the other side a dense forest. There was only one road that ran for miles and ended in our dwelling. But now, in the world I lived, I barely new my own neighbours. There were no cheerful celebrations in the streets at night just a bunch of young teen gangs who waged war on each other every other night. There was no one to look after me, no family and if I dropped dead at that moment, not a lot of people would even notice. The days of the past were hazy memories that sometimes, in my mind, didn’t even seem true. But I wanted to remember what it was like when in my childhood, I wanted to remember what my father looked like. I just had one picture of him but I wanted to remember his voice, his smell, his walk and what he looked like when he sat on his arm chair and puffed a cigarette. My mother had dies giving birth to me. My father had brought me and it showed in my younger days with all my tomboyish attitude and my aimless, wild wanderings. I walked to the place where my home had once been. There was nothing, no walls, no windows, no doors....just rubble. My whole childhood had been reduced to rubble. The home of my ancestors, and my father and my home had been mixed with the earth. I walked through where the door had once stood, I wanted to see my house properly. I stood in the center of the pieces of my home and I closed my eyes and saw the cream colored walls, the big windows through which the flannel blue curtains flew. I saw my father sitting on his armchair next to the window puffing a cigarette. That’s what he did every afternoon. He seemed so sick and wasted, as if he were dying. I had not noticed that before. I saw myself, a young girl of 14 run through the door to him and hug me. He kissed me and smiled and said he loved me. I kissed him back and hugged him more tightly. It was too much, too painful to remember. It hurt too much and I couldn’t bear it. I opened and sat down on the spot where I stood and cried. I cried for all I had lost, I cried all that I loved, I cried to go back and be 14 again. I cried to live in this lively town once more. I cried because I wanted to come back home. But there was no home, there was no home. I looked up in the sky and cursed my fate and picked up a stone and threw it high up in the air. I cursed, I swore and I cried. As I looked down to pick up another stone I noticed something silver. I picked up and I recognized it. It was a rusted silver band, a ring that my father wore in his little finger. He said it belonged to my mother and she had given it to him on her deathbed as something to remember her by. He had loved her so much and he often said how I looked so much like her. I took the ring and put in my finger in my right hand. It was a perfect fit. I looked at for a long time. Finally I had something other than my memories to remember my childhood and my family by. I still felt alone but this ring gave me comfort. It reminded that I was loved once, that I was cared for once, that I was happy once. It gave me hope that I maybe loved again, cared for again and happy again....

Could she........die?

2011-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

Sky walked around the corridor thinking of what they had said a few moments ago. It seemed so hazy. The voices weren’t clear in his head. Sunk into a coma….too much internal bleeding……kidneys failed….trying…hope. Those were the words, the important ones. The doctors had said to them in a very serious stone.
Surely they didn’t mean she was going to die, she couldn’t die. She was too young, she has a whole life and I love her and we had made so many plans. Surely nothing would happen to her. She’s just 17. She’s too young. She will be fine. I’m 21 but I have just broken one bone in my entire life. These things don’t happen when you’re 17 and she is beautiful and smart. She can’t die. She has so much to do in her life. We have so much to do in our lives, together. It’s just a small accident. I mean the bomb blew on the floor below her and that blew up the roof so her room collapsed and she fell. That was it, she just fell. She wasn’t in the explosion. She just fell. That’s it. She’ll be fine tomorrow and then we will, together, get her parents to accept us. They’ll see reason. Everything will be fine….

Indeed Rose had fallen, but it wasn’t a plain simple fall. She had crashed into several things. When the bomb exploded, so did the room below her own. The force of the explosion blew the floor under her feet and threw her in the air as she hit the ceiling of her room and her head smashed very hard. As she fell, she fell on a lot of things and the sharp edges of the broken glass pierced her stomach. Several of her arteries were damaged and now, her internal organs were failing. Both her kidneys had already failed, her liver could be next. She had sunk into a coma and her heart-beat and breathing had been very irregular. They were trying to save her but only a miracle could……

Robot

2011-06-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

It is easier to do what we have been asked to than choose something at the risk of your choice being the wrong one. It is easier to follow than to lead as the follower is never to be blamed. It is easier to listen than to speak as people can assume what you think and always wonder if it is so. It is easier to submit and give up that to fight when you are tired, worn out and hurt. It is so easy to be a Robot that a Human being........

To fight takes courage and guts. In a fight we always run the risk of loosing. We always run the risk of shame. We always run the risk of destruction and defeat. But some of us still fight, fight with the hope that we and our cause may emerge as the winner when the dust settles. While some of us choose to lay down our arms as we believe that this maybe our last stand. We lay down our arms to live in peace, even if it means that that peace comes with pain and misery. We keep wishing on a fallen star to make it all better someday. It is easier that way. To have our wish maybe a miracle but if our wishes don’t come true, we choose to remain a silent observer, even more of a silent bearer. It is a dark silence that surrounds us and it kills us every moment but that is easier than to have courage and fight even though we believe that when the dust does settle it will be all shame and defeat for us.

It is easy to not think

it is easy to not know

it is easy to not fight

it is easy to follow

it is easy to not hope

it is easy to not believe

it is easy to just let go

and do as they please

It is easy to submit

than to be free

for with freedom comes struggle

and it is easy to hold your peace

it is easy to stay put

than to be a wanderer

it is easy to break down

than to hold on for others

it is easy to breathe your last

than to live without another

It just does feel nice to let somebody hold you, take responsibility of you and in return of being taken care of, you just do what they want. In that we feel safe and sound. In that we feel home. To curb your spirit for the peace of your mind helps in bringing a life shielded from the thought of being lost, and from feeling loneliness. To have someone to protect you, to keep you seems to be an easier deal than to live a life where one is nowhere to be found. To submit to someone’s will doesn’t take as much effort as to have your own will. It is so much more easy, and I am tired of fighting...........

Dark Canopy

2011-06-05T06:33:00.001-07:00

It was an autumn night and the moon was full exceptionally bright. Its light rained through the canopy of the forest, making my path fairly visible. I was out for a stroll in the forest as I was restless and couldn’t stay in my bed for very long. It was a calm night and everything seemed so still. The only sound that was audible to me was the light rustling of the dry leaves on the ground that brushed against my long dress. It was a calm night but my heart, my heart was so restless. It searched for something in the shadows, it yearned for a mystery. I walked tirelessly deep into the forest hoping to find an adventure, perhaps a mystical creature that roamed when the night fell and hit in daylight, or perhaps a restless spirit who is trapped between the dimensions of this world and the next. Something, anything that was out of the ordinary. The air was filled with the fragrance of the unexpected and I needed something different. My ears that were so used to the rustling of the dry leaves, caught another sound, a sound of movement in the shadows of the trees. I turned to search for the source of this fresh clamour. There certainly was a movement in the vicinity of darkness. Who is there, I call out but all is still again. Probably just a small animal, I say to myself. I turn to move forward and with the sound of my next steps there is a collaboration of another pair of footsteps. I stop and there is no sound. It’s just in my mind, I mummer. I walk a little further and this time I am sure of another presence. I can hear the sound of breathing other than my own, I can feel that my solidarity has been breached. I am not alone. Who is it, I call out again but only silence answers me. Show yourself, I utter, I know you are here. What is that you want, I ask. But I receive not a single whisper. I stand there looking through the woods from where the sounds had last emerged, determined to have a look at my intruder. Bur alas! The night was not clear all along. Before I had left the safety of my dwelling I had noticed a few stray clouds that may have once been a part of a storm but were now being carried by the wind that flew high up in the air. These clouds had finally made their way before the moon. It’s bright light no longer reached the ground and I was engulfed in darkness. My eyes looked for vision but it was too dark. The lack of vision made my other senses more alert as I felt a fine cool breeze blow through my hair, I shivered .I wrapped my shawl more carefully around me and in the murmur of that breeze I heard my intruder’s heavy steps ascend me. I stood my ground firmly. The steps came near and there was a faint outline of a well-built body. I looked up at what may have been the face but I could only make out the ruffled hair that blew in the wind. The darkness held my vision as a prisoner and at that moment, it’s prisoner craved to be set free. Who are you, I asked again and for my answer I felt his warm breathe on my cheeks. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist and lift me to the level of his face. I felt a pair of manly lips perch themselves on mine in a soft kiss as my eyes closed. His kiss felt like magic as I struggled to contain all the butterflies that were fluttering in my tummy. Never had I been kissed like this before. It was soft, sweet and caring. Right there, in that moment when I stood there in this stranger’s, no, he seemed no stranger. It was as if I had known him forever. But when I stood there, at that moment, in his arms with his lips on mine, I felt complete. It seemed to last a thousand years but it only passed a few moments. His lips withdrew from mine and his hands let go of my waist. The clouds burst and once more gave way to the bright moonlight. As I opened my eyes to look at the thief who had stolen a kiss from me, I found myself again in solidarity.

2011-06-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

Her Sadness

What is it that troubles her so?
What is it that makes her cry?

Why does she say it rains,

but not look at the new life that comes after it passes by?

Why is it that she sits alone in a crowd?

What is her sadness?

Where is her heart?

Where is her sunshine?

Where are her wings that once let her touch the sky?

What is her sadness?

What is her grief?

Why are there tears?

What makes her so weak?
I would make it go away, if only she would let me.

This little poem or a the few rhyming words that have been strung together are an inspiration from a picture, a photograph actually. There are so many dark times in our path of life and so many times when the sun is eclipsed and complete darkness befalls. There are so many times when we feel that happiness is sojourn. There are days when everything seems wrong and lost. But she has sadness only because she has lost hope. She doesn’t believe the sun will come out again, she doesn’t believe there will be bloom on that wasteland once more. She doesn’t believe there is hope. That is her sadness, that is her grief. It will all go if only she sees that she is not alone, that someone is reaching out for her. If she looks up she will find a friendly face waiting calmly to help her, to support her, to love her, to cherish. She is never alone, but this she does not believe. Her sadness is cold, it has taken the best of her senses and as every moment passes her spirit gets number. Her sadness is killing her, it is giving her a slow death. She closes her eyes as if waiting to go, waiting it to all end. She is too young but she feels sick and old. She hopes for no miracle, she hopes for no knight, she hopes for no peace, In this world she hopes for nothing. She needs hope.

2011-06-03T10:16:00.000-07:00

That one spark of hope

That one beautiful moment

That one open window

Those are the little things

That never let me feel alone

Maybe it's better.....this way..

2011-06-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

To not be able to understand is what I know, to not be able to to decide is what I fell, to be able to want is what I need........
It doesn't matter how hard I try to give up one and not look at the other...it just doesn't work. I feel in love with one guy at first sight and at the second sight I knew that it was just me. He cares for me, but only as a good friend should, I care for him enough that it hurts me at times. And then I wonder, why should I hurt when I am not ignorant, when I knew all along that that's how it is to go? Why should I hurt even though I understood? Why should I not stop loving him even though I know we will never have a story of us to tell....What's the point?? Why does loving him not feel like a waste of time? I cherish his friendship so much, and even though I care for him so deeply I don't strive to receive nothing more than the sweet bond we share. At times I feel satisfied but when I am in the middle of an old day and a new one, when the clock strikes at that hour, I think of him and sometimes, shooting start or no shooting star, I wish for him but the next morning....I'm satisfied again. I try so hard to let him go but I also fear that I may succeed.....
But when I turn, I see another face, another face that unlike the last one, I don't understand. Here is someone else who holds my thoughts for a few moments in a day. Here is someone who sometimes spares me a few thoughts too. Here is someone I care for and who just might care for me too, and maybe a little more than a friend. He is just as kind, and thinks well for me and we could be something.......but like I said before I'm afraid I may succeed in letting my first love go...

Selena's top 10 best dresses

2011-05-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Although all of Selena's (Gomez) dresses are amazing here are some of my favorites

I don't know about you guys but she is my style icon!!!!!
Which is your favorite?

Judas by Gaga--My interpretation

2011-05-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Judas, the new music video by Mother Monster, is very inspirational if you catch the message. There is no denying that Lady Gaga has used too many religious contexts but if you look closely, they send out a beautiful message.
Most people believe that Judas is the ex, begrudged, backstabbing lover and the video is basically a conflict ib her heart for the one she loves the most. In the beginning, I thought so too but on re-listening to the song and watching the video over and over again (till the replay button disappeared) I realized that this has nothing to do with lovers at all. Jesus in the video represents all her virtues and Judas represents all her vices.
Jesus is my virtue, Judas is the demon I cling to
I think what she has tried to say is that she has some good and some bad in her and she accepts (as neither Judas nor Jesus gets stoned in it) and although she wants to do good in her life, she is sometimes tempted to take the short-cut. She accepts the way she is and she knows that she cannot eradicate her faults from her as they are a part of her.
I'm just a Holy fool, oh baby he's so cruel, but I'm still in love with Judas, baby
She keeps overpowering her vices with great difficulty
I'll bring him down, bring him down, down, A king with no crown, king with no crown
But she never can and doesn't want to get rid of them She likes to loose herself at times but makes sure she harms no one.
Like Born this Way, Mother Monster is again asking us to be true to who you are and accept yourself with all your flaws. She is asking us to correct our mistakes but is also telling us it's impossible to get rid of the Judas inside you as you are only human (and so is she in the video) but it is possible for you to control him.

I believe it is a beautiful message and although too many religious references have been made, ultimately there maybe nothing to be offended from.
Also she stones herself in the end but that is because she figured that the audience would stone her so why not just have herself stoned first?
Love you Mother Monster and love the born this way remix!

What is your interpretation?

First Post

2011-01-02T03:01:00.000-08:00

Heyy!!!
Yes it doesn't make sense to wish anyone when I know no one but me is reading this but what the hell!
Lets what should I write for my first entry........
I know, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

On the second day of this wonderful year I hope that any lost viewer who is reading has a great time ahead full of love, joy and laughter and may stick to your resolutions as far as possible.

Sheesh sticking to resolutions is so hard and so to make this easier I follow a simple step, you can follow it too--DON'T MAKE ANY!!! It can't get any easier than that.
love you my dear lost reader!!
Demz